Building Trust After Trauma: Your Path to Attachment Healing
Trauma has a profound impact on how we connect with others and ourselves. It shakes the foundation of trust that relationships rely on, leaving us feeling isolated and unsure of who we can rely on. Healing after trauma is not just about recovering; it’s about rebuilding the capacity to trust, to feel secure, and to nurture healthy attachments.
Attachment healing is a powerful process that helps restore those emotional bonds damaged by trauma. Whether you’ve experienced betrayal, loss, or other traumatic events, this journey can guide you toward a more stable and fulfilling connection with yourself and others. In this blog, we’ll discuss how trauma affects trust, why attachment healing is essential, and provide practical steps and insights to begin the process.
Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Trust
Trauma is not just a single event; it’s an experience, or an accumulation of experiences, that changes how you perceive the world and your relationships within it. It’s normal for trauma survivors to struggle with trust, even in situations that feel safe. This section explores how trauma can disrupt trust and what that means for your relationships.
How Trauma Erodes Trust
Trauma often creates a sense of unpredictability. If you’ve experienced betrayal or harm, it’s natural to question whether people in your life are trustworthy.
You might struggle to trust your own judgment, fearing that trusting again could lead to more pain.
Attachment Styles and Trauma
Attachment theory offers insight into how past trauma(s) might show up and affect our relationships today:
Avoidant Attachment: You may avoid intimacy and rely solely on yourself, believing that trusting others is far too risky. Remaining alone, avoiding relationships, and/or remaining distant within your relationship(s) today is a way to feel less vulnerable and safer.
Anxious Attachment: You may feel a sense of neediness and increased anxiety that makes you want to cling to your partner. You may have excessive worry about being abandoned and alone, and you may notice patterns of ongoing self-doubt, insecurity and even upset or suspicions related to your partner appreciating time to themselves.
Disorganized Attachment: Adults with disorganized attachment have typically had a history of multiple or ongoing trauma and/or neglect in childhood. At young ages, you may have learned that sometimes it is safe to approach adults and sometimes it isn’t. This can leave you oscillating between conflicting feelings of craving closeness, security and connection within the relationship, while also experiencing tremendous fear of intimacy, vulnerability, and lack of safety.
Recognizing the Signs
You might notice:
Difficulty expressing emotions or opening up.
Avoidance of close relationships, fearing vulnerability.
Challenges with feeling secure and trusting within your relationship.
Hypervigilance, always looking for signs of potential betrayal.
By understanding these patterns, you can take the first steps toward recognizing and addressing how trauma has impacted your ability to trust.
The Role of Attachment Healing in Recovery from Trauma
Attachment healing focuses on repairing emotional bonds and fostering safety in relationships. It’s particularly crucial for those whose trauma has made it hard to trust or connect.
Working towards having Secure Attachments today: Secure attachments act as emotional anchors. When we feel securely connected to someone, we can regulate our emotions better, recover from stress, and find joy in relationships. Without secure attachments, it’s easy to feel adrift and isolated.
Attachment Healing in Action: Attachment healing might look like:
Relearning how to depend on ‘safe’ others with less fear.
Gradually build confidence in your ability to discern trustworthy and ‘safe’ relationships.
Understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy relational patterns.
The Science Behind Healing: Studies have shown that securely attached individuals experience lower levels of anxiety and depression. This is because secure relationships provide a sense of stability that supports emotional health.
Steps to Rebuild Trust After Trauma
Rebuilding trust is a gradual process, but it’s achievable with patience and intentional effort. Below are some steps you can take:
Acknowledge Your Experiences
Name what happened to you and validate your feelings. Acknowledge that it’s normal to feel hesitant or guarded after experiencing trauma.
Example: Write in a journal about situations that have led to you losing trust. Reflect and allow the connections to be made between how it made you feel then, and how it may continue to be affecting you today.
Understand Your Triggers
Trauma often leaves behind triggers—situations or behaviours that remind you of past harm. Identifying these triggers is crucial to reclaiming a sense of control in your life.
Example: If conflict in relationships causes you anxiety, working with a therapist to explore the roots of this, and to create a plan of action to heal your triggers, can be very helpful in managing intense feelings that may arise.
Set Boundaries That Protect You
Boundaries are essential for feeling safe. Start small by identifying what makes you uncomfortable in relationships. Practice communicating your needs.
Example: If someone frequently interrupts or pressures you, set a boundary by saying, "I need space and time to think about and process this before responding."
Practice Emotional Awareness
Tune into your emotions and notice patterns that arise. Notice when things are calmer and the differences when the intensity of emotions is higher. What situations make you feel safe? Which ones make you feel anxious or threatened?
Example: Use mindfulness techniques to ground yourself when emotions feel overwhelming. Practice deep breathing, in through the nose, and a longer breath out through the mouth, or other grounding exercises, to help lessen the intensity of stressful interactions and situations.
Build Relationships Slowly
Start by building trust with lower-stakes connections, such as friends or coworkers, before tackling more intimate relationships.
Example: Share small pieces of personal information at a time. See how the other person responds. Positive reinforcement will encourage safety in the process of opening up more.
How Therapy Can Help in Attachment Healing
Trauma Counselling is a valuable tool for those navigating recovery and attachment healing. Trauma-informed therapists, such as our therapists at ThriveWell Counselling, provide a safe, nonjudgmental environment to explore your feelings and develop strategies for rebuilding trust.
What to Expect from Trauma Counselling
Sessions might involve exploring past experiences, understanding current patterns, and learning techniques to foster emotional resilience.
Therapists often use modalities like:
Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Helping you focus on the present rather than being overwhelmed by the past.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Assisting in grounding in the present and processing past trauma.
Attachment-Based Individual, Couples and Family Therapy: Focussing on healing relational wounds in the past, and strengthening connections today and into the future.
Benefits of Trauma Counselling
Working with a trauma therapist can help you:
Recognize and reframe negative thought and emotional patterns, calm responses to trauma that might remain locked within the body, emotions and central nervous system.
Practice new communication techniques.
Gain tools for managing anxiety and rebuilding confidence.
If you’re considering therapy, learn more about ThriveWell’s Trauma Counseling options, and how we can support you in moving from the overwhelming effects of trauma, towards long-term healing.
Building Secure Relationships for Long-Term Secure Attachments and Healing
Attachment healing doesn’t stop at trust-building—it extends into creating secure, long-term connections that bring fulfillment and stability.
Recognize Healthy Relationships
Look for qualities such as empathy, mutual respect, and emotional availability.
Example: Notice how a friend or partner reacts when you express discomfort. Do they validate your feelings, and see how they can support you? It’s important to be heard and validated, not dismissed.
Invest in Self-Care
Focus on activities that replenish your emotional energy. Self-care strengthens your ability to show up for others.
Example: Dedicate time each week to an activity that brings you joy, whether it’s reading, exercising, or spending time in nature, find at least one activity that energizes and emotionally feels fulfilling for you.
Foster Mutual Trust
Trust grows through consistency. Aim to be reliable in your interactions and seek out relationships where the same is reciprocated.
Example: Start with small commitments—showing up on time, following through on promises—and as reciprocity and comfort for you grow, gradually deepen your level of trust.
Conclusion
Rebuilding trust after trauma is a challenging yet deeply rewarding journey. Through trauma and attachment healing, you can take steps on the path to building deep and meaningful connections. Through this process, your capacity to foster and maintain secure relationships, and create a life grounded in security and emotional fulfillment grows.
As you move through this process, know you don’t have to do it alone. ThriveWell Counselling’s team of counsellors, specialize in trauma and attachment healing. Whether you work with Theresa Roberson, Ruti Ingerman, Victoria Bowman, Zaamilah Balasubramaniam, Taylor Smith, or ThriveWell owner Dana Kamin, you will be taking important steps in your healing journey.
Reach out via our Contact Page. With support, resources and determination, we can support you on your path towards healing and resilience.