The Importance of Attachment
When we look at the idea of attachment, we are giving recognition of the importance of early attachment to caregivers and family, and that healthy attachments in infancy and childhood increases the likelihood of mental health in adults. When primary caregivers are available, attentive and responsive to an infant’s needs (eg. for food, diaper change or attention), the child will develop a positive sense of security and of self. With well attuned quality care, the infant learns that the caregiver is dependable, and their world is safe. We now know the profound influence on self-regulation, behaviour and other areas of development this secure attachment has.
So, what happens when those who were raising us had monumental struggles of their own? Or struggled themselves with mental health, intergenerational abuse or violence, the effects of war, oppression or other challenges that limited parent ability to be emotionally, mentally or physically available? Or what happens when we are separated physically and emotionally due to hospitalizations, illness or physical health needs, adoption or foster care?
More and more, research is showing that overtime, frequent experiences of loss, or inconsistent attachments in infancy and early childhood years, can lead to children learning emotionally that their world is not safe, or that it is only safe in limited ways. Over time, loss of attachment can lead to the development of a maladaptive attachment style, which often continues well into adulthood.
Maladaptive attachment styles can be characterized by anxiety, fear, depression, hurt, avoidance and isolation. Fear of intimacy and commitment on the one hand, and/or a sense of longing and need, anger, jealousy on the other can characterize adult relationships.
If any of your current relationships, whether with family, partners, children, friends or work, sound like this, or even if any of these challenges are coming up in your relationship with yourself, it might be helpful to consider your attachment style today, and if at least some of the roots of these challenges might stem from your own experiences of attachment in infancy and early childhood. Awareness of our attachment history and current attachment style can be an extremely helpful tool to tease out and address negative patterns and situations that carry on to today.
If you see yourself in this blog, attachment work might be a positive next step for you… Attachment-oriented, trauma-informed, supportive counselling can help you feel better inside, while also bringing greater positivity, satisfaction and trust in your connection to others, helping you feel more confident and grounded inside and out.