Beyond the Binary: Mental Health for Non-Binary Folx
Identifying as Non-Binary Can Be Life Changing, and Life Affirming
That moment, or moments which brought you to the deep understanding and knowing that you identify as non-binary can often be life-changing. Once you are aware of the wholeness that is you, you might be wondering, “where can and do I want to go from here?”
Navigating life as non-binary comes with its unique set of emotional and mental challenges, often stemming from societal misunderstandings and a lack of representation. Finding simple ways to build resilience and grow your sense of self-worth can be helpful for enjoying your life, and feeling confident as you encounter the hills and valleys of this journey. In the article below, we hope to provide you with helpful information and simple supportive strategies to live your life with strong mental health, and in a way that helps you live life to the fullest.
Understanding Non-Binary Identity and Mental Health
Beyond the Gender Binary
As you are probably very much aware of already, gender identity is a spectrum, fluid and diverse, extending far beyond the traditional binary of male and female. Understanding and embracing this diversity is essential, but with societal misconceptions everywhere, you can easily absorb negative thoughts, emotions and judgments from dominant cultures around non-binary identities.
Questioning the validity of your thoughts, feelings, and identity is often a part of the process of coming to accept yourself. This process can take longer if you don’t have supportive peers or a caring community around you.
Having an understanding and affirming therapist is a good way to have a warm, welcoming environment in which to explore these questions.
Mental Health Statistics and the Non-Binary Community
Like many in the 2SLGBTQ community, being non-binary means you will often face heightened mental health challenges due to trauma, societal stigma and lack of acceptance by loved ones. Did you know that a survey conducted by the National LGBTQ Task Force found that 23 of non-binary respondents experienced discrimination when seeking health care, and many reported postponing medical care due to fear of discrimination.
This is why seeking out non-binary affirming therapists is so important, so there’s less risk of having further trauma from being misunderstood by a mental health professional. At ThriveWell Counselling, we have therapists who work frequently with and understand the potential needs of the non-binary community. Dana, ThriveWell’s owner, and some on our team, have also taken a very broad view of gender in their own lives. We are here to support you and provide a safe environment for you to explore, fully embrace who you are, and heal from old hurts.
What To Do With Societal Misunderstandings and Microaggressions
Misconceptions and microaggressions can be damaging, affecting your sense of self and belonging. They can pop up almost anywhere, with friends and acquaintances, family, in the workplace, in medical settings and even with a well-intentioned, but uninformed therapist.
Microaggressions and misunderstandings can look like
Being called by your ‘dead’ name if you’ve changed your name to better reflect you!
People refusing to use your pronouns
Unwanted and unwarranted attention that infringes on your privacy (eg. asking about sex and/or body parts)
People refusing you use of the bathroom, or refusing to be in the bathroom when you are there
Doctors insisting on referring to the gender you were assigned at birth
Trying to place you and your gender in a ‘binary’ or narrow gender ‘box’ (eg. being asked “If you’re not a man, woman, or trans, then what are you?!”)
Developing strategies to handle microaggressions is key to building resilience and confidence in the face of these sorts of stressors. Learning how to self-validate, and growing a support system to talk to after a particularly hard day, are important parts of a healthy nonbinary journey. If someone has done something offensive unintentionally, and you have the bandwidth to let them know, you can do so, but that is a choice, not a necessity (it’s not your job to educate others).
Connecting with Safety
Having a safe space to return to at the end of a long day also goes a long way to refilling your emotional reserves. Creating a caring, affirming environment for yourself can be as extravagant or simple as is possible.
If you live alone or with supportive people, you can have affirmations up in places that you see as soon as you walk through the door. You may want to focus on an extra enjoyable bathroom at home, try investing in an extra soft towels/bathroom mat, relaxing essential oil diffusers, or a fun and functional toiletries organized to make your restroom be a space of peace.
Living with non-supportive family or roommates? Create subtle supports that are for you alone. A photo of a non-binary trailblazer framed on your wall, decorating your bedroom with non-binary flag colours, or having non-binary memoirs or novels in your bedside table, are low key ways to help you to embrace your identity at home.
Strategies For Self-Validation and Increased Non-Binary Wellness
Being non-binary in public, or private settings becomes easier the more you feel confident in who you are. When you have a positive inner monologue, and you are practicing self-validation and self-recognition , life becomes easier.
Simple Ways To Build That Positive Self-Image
Work on increasing your self-compassion: Speak to yourself with the tone and text that you wish you had been spoken to as a child
Embrace movement, go dancing with friends, go for a walk at lunch if work is stressing you out
Remind yourself that you do not have to tolerate harassment or cruelty. You can give yourself permission to walk away, and even report it, if that feels right
Have a list of all the aspects of yourself that you are grateful for, and try to add to that list on a daily basis
Before looking for validation outside of yourself, ask “What am I hoping to hear from this person?” Then remember you can say that to yourself!
Recognize small things that soothe you, and if these are actual objects, carry a few around with you. This could be a fluffy keychain, a particular song that you have saved in your Spotify list, a screenshot or photo of something grounding and meaningful for you - bring those out when needed.
Grounding Techniques Can Help With High-Stress Situations
Grounding techniques are like personal anchors, helping you stay present when you’re struggling (like after the 3rd time in an hour your co-worker has misgendered you). They’re a way for you to pull yourself back to the present, reminding you this moment will pass, helping you feel more centred during moments of anxiety or overwhelming emotions.
When you find your thoughts spiralling or emotions overwhelming you, try the "Rooted Tree" grounding technique. Imagine yourself as a sturdy tree with deep roots anchoring you into the earth. Close your eyes and take slow breaths, visualizing your roots growing deeper with each exhale. Feel the stability of the ground beneath you and picture yourself drawing strength from the earth. This visualization can help you reconnect with the present moment, offering a sense of calm and stability during stressful moments.
Finding and Nurturing Strong Connections
Building a supportive community and making friends who understand and appreciate you for who you are can be a game changer for your emotional wellbeing. Start by exploring local or online queer and non-binary spaces and groups where you can meet people who share similar experiences and values. Engage in conversations, be open about your interests, and be curious and listen to others. Remember, it’s about finding common ground and mutual respect. Surrounding yourself with positive, affirming people can make a world of difference in feeling understood and supported.
Connecting with allies who are supportive and understanding of non-binary identities is also a great way to grow your support network. Look for people who are willing to educate themselves, or ask in a non-pressuring way for your help with understanding how they can support you and the broader nonbinary community. Allies can be a wonderful source of support and can also help in creating more inclusive and accepting environments. Remember, building relationships takes time, so be patient with yourself, stay true to who you are, and this will go a long way to bringing the right people into your life.
For Non-Binary Mental Health Find Your Non-Binary Affirming Therapist
Getting the right support from friends, community and also a mental health professional can be an amazing way to grow forward in your life. At ThriveWell Counselling, you can see a therapist with lived experience as a member of the 2SLGBTQ community, and who deeply understands your struggles. We are here to listen, validate, and respect your experiences, providing truly compassionate care.
Your Life Is Yours, Live It Well
Living as a non-binary person in a predominantly binary world is challenging. It can also be a rich and rewarding experience. By embracing your uniqueness, building resilience, and surrounding yourself with love and support, your journey can be one filled with joy. Keep shining, keep being you, and remember, ThriveWell Counselling is here for you, should you need a little extra support along the way.